There are days I feel like I’m 21 again. I’ll leave it at that. The best part is that with age, I think I accept things as they are and I no longer place an expectation on an end result. But no, that would be a lie. I think I’ve leveled out better. I think I can enjoy something for what it is a little more now than I would have used to.
It’s with this that I feel the songs I used to sing with Mr. C come up again. The classics like “Kahit Ika’y Panaginip Lang” or something as staple as “Kailan.” Which, I just can never get that sick of. Why? I love them. So much.
Yes, I have my fears. As always. I am only now dealing with myself I guess- in a deeper way. I couldn’t have come to this point earlier. It’s hard to go there, it’s hard to re live certain things so to speak. However, I will say that God has aligned things for me that I can only see as a way for me to heal. A way for me to forgive. Ultimately forgive myself- which I am not yet at and it still seems like an unimaginable feat to get there.
It’s been awhile since I’ve felt a little like myself again. Reminded of what I do and more than anything wanting to enjoy it instead of being overwhelmed. But I will say to myself, now- Ingat lang (with regards to THAT).