on you.

There are days I feel like I’m 21 again.  I’ll leave it at that.  The best part is that with age, I think I accept things as they are and I no longer place an expectation on an end result.  But no, that would be a lie.  I think I’ve leveled out better.  I think I can enjoy something for what it is a little more now than I would have used to.

It’s with this that I feel the songs I used to sing with Mr. C come up again.  The classics like “Kahit Ika’y Panaginip Lang” or something as staple as “Kailan.”  Which, I just can never get that sick of.  Why?  I love them.  So much.

Yes, I have my fears.  As always.  I am only now dealing with myself I guess- in a deeper way.  I couldn’t have come to this point earlier.  It’s hard to go there, it’s hard to re live certain things so to speak.  However, I will say that God has aligned things for me that I can only see as a way for me to heal.  A way for me to forgive.  Ultimately forgive myself- which I am not yet at and it still seems like an unimaginable feat to get there.

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt a little like myself again.  Reminded of what I do and more than anything wanting to enjoy it instead of being overwhelmed.  But I will say to myself, now- Ingat lang (with regards to THAT).









On Loss

A coworker of mine in my “day job” unexpectedly passed this week.  There is an interesting sense of “closeness” when it comes to the job I work.  We can have the best time together while on the job. Then we go about our own lives outside of that with little contact.  I do find myself randomly laughing about things that were said or that happened on a given day.  Really laugh.

Although I wasn’t conventionally close to my coworker- it’s been on my mind a lot. For many reasons. Maybe because I’m trying to make sense of it as well.  So I pray. Asking God for her to finally rest.

I will miss you Vicky. The most hilarious and warm hearted 80’s chick I know.